Wtf? Do I Have 'Decieve Me' Written On My Forehead?

This is the second time i've been decieved to by a guy. What's the problem? I've never decieved a guy. I'm a virgin, so I have self respect for myself. It's better being a virgin than being some 'loose' girl giving it away to everybody and they're uncle and dad. I know I'm not a bad looking girl but I have a little bit of a weight problem that can be fixed with more exercise. I know I have a dope steelo and crazy fashion sense. Last but not least, I'm an intelligent girl whose going somewhere in life. So wtf is the problem. This is why I'm so cold towards guys because when I get comfortable enough to let them in, they break my heart in one of the most dirty ways possible. If you're a guy whose ever tried to talk to me, thats why I treat you cold and I know I should'nt because it was their mistakes.

Let me break down how he did it. At first we would talk for hours on the phone about nothing and laugh at eachother's jokes. We also talked about serious things too like the future, sex, and things like that. One day I invited him to my friend's pool party. The first time we looked at eachother, neither one of us could stop smiling. He acted like a gentlemen the whole time. And when he left he grabbed my hand in the softest, most gentle way ever and I felt something. We continued to talk. The conversations got more emotional and deeper. Then he moved away. He said he was gonna come and see me, he called my brother 'bro in law' and even cracked jokes about marriage and children. Lately it hasn't been the same. I tried calling him, texting him, he didn't answer. So I didn't know what was wrong cuz he'd usually be the one to call me. Then I found out he had a gf. All this time I wasted on him and he does this to me. I had 6 other guys trying to talk to me but I thought he was special so I invested myself in him. Now I'm sitting back lookin like a fool. It felt like he ripped my heart out my chest, stabbed it, put salt on the wounds, spit on it and put it back in my chest. I honestly didnt want to do anything the day I found out (Monday). I can't even look at him without my stomach hurting. I just wish I had a picture of his face so I could tape it to a punching bag and beat the crap out of it. Or better yet him. I'm a bigger person than that and I can move on slowly but surely.

Butterflies

whenever i see your face,
whenever i think about you,
whenever i hear your name,
whenever i dream about you,
butterflies.
whenever i see your face,
whenever i see your smile,
my heart starts to race,
my mind runs wild,
butterflies.
maybe its infatuation or,
maybe its just a crush,
i dont know what it is but,
maybe it can blossom into love,
butterflies.
i dont know why, but i feel butterflies,
fluttering with anticipation,
it makes me nervous and excited,
a feeling i cant explain,
butterflies.